After all, only terrible parents would out of desperation and exhaustion let their kid watch TV to fall asleep. Only a terrible parent would leave a shopping cart full of things in the store to carry out a screaming and flailing kid. Certainly good parents wouldn’t be lying awake at night wondering why their child was such a monster. Good parents don’t feel resentment towards their child, do they?

I started to really get caught up in what a bad parent I was. I was starting to feel pretty frustrated and kind of hopeless at the same time. Other parents and kids I knew didn’t seem to have half the problems me and my son did. I was convinced that my child’s ridiculously bad behavior was karmic justice for all of the bad parenting I was doing.

But, as it turns out, I’m not a bad parent – and I never actually was. I’ve actually been told quite a few times by several therapists that I really am a good parent. (They swear they weren’t just saying that to boost my self esteem!) I was following the right discipline ideas, I was doing all that I could. My kid just has a mental health disorder, that’s all.

With so many people assuming that ADHD is just a diagnosis that means “Bad Parenting” it can be really frustrating. For one, it causes hundreds, if not thousands of parents to deny their kids have problems. It makes parents feel like they are the ones to blame – as if their actions are in direct correlation to why their child misbehaves, can’t sit still, and is jumping from one thing to the next. Instead, many kids go undiagnosed. Nobody wants to accept that they have a problem or that their kid has a problem either. In fact, we might even tiptoe around the issue with parents – by either not talking about it or trying to find some kind of ridiculous miracle cure rather than accepting it as an illness.

If you feel like a terrible parent, you’re not alone. Every parent, even parents of completely mentally healthy children, feel these kinds of feelings from time to time. But if you’re constantly beating yourself up about it, it’s time to stop.

It’s not easy to go from feeling like horrible parent to good parent. So to help you dismiss those horrible parent feelings, here’s some help:

1. Embrace The Diagnosis: Breathe that diagnosis with a sigh of relief! There is nothing “wrong” with you – or even your child necessarily. Your child has a medical condition. And while a medical condition requires treatment and attention and research and understanding – it is not the end of the world. Millions of people with medical conditions can continue on with happy and successful lives. When you start realizing there is a medical condition, and not “something wrong” it really helps put things into perspective.

2. Do Good Parent Things: Good parents make sure their kid has the basic necessities and is in a safe environment. (Y’know – fed, clothed, bathed, not playing in the street, child proofing the house, etc.) Good parents take their child to a doctor when the child is sick – and good parents will make sure that they research and follow through with a treatment plan for their child’s ADHD. Don’t brush it off as something unimportant or will go away on its own. Instead, talk with the doctors, the therapists, the teachers, the professionals. It’s the best thing you can do when you are in doubt.

3. Realize You’re Not Alone: There are thousands of parents right now feeling just like you are. The good news is you can find others to help you and relate to. Join a forum or message board. Check with CHADD.org and find a local chapter near you. Call a neighbor, call a long lost friend, open the phone book and call one of the help line’s in the front. We always feel like we are alone and have no one to turn to or talk to about something – but that’s not the case.

4. Take Time-Outs: If you’re getting overwhelmed or frustrated – take a break. Let someone else watch your child(ren) for a few hours. Go for walks. Take a relaxing bubble bath. Do something FUN and do it for YOU.

It’s time to forget about what means “normal” and what means “terrible parenting”. Instead, focus on getting you and your child the treatment you need to get through it – and it will get better eventually. You CAN be happy. It’s not hopeless. And you’re not a terrible parent if you’re still reading this site. Pat yourself on the back for being a good parent. Because good parents recognize there is a problem and seek help not only for their children, but themselves too.

Parent training is slightly different than behavioral therapy for the child, though the two go very closely hand in hand, since the parent’s behavior will make a big difference on the success of the behavioral therapy.

Many parents don’t believe that they are the ones who need to change – it’s easy for them to think it is the child who needs to make the adjustments. Unfortunately, since the child is likely unable to change on his or her own, parents are the ones who must make adjustments in order to create the best enviroment and atmosphere for the child to be the most successful.

Here are some new skills that parents will need to learn as a part of ADHD parent training:

Make Rules and Enforce Them Consistently: It is often surprising how many few rules parents have or how clear they actually are to the child. Other parents may have plenty of rules, but the consequences for not listening to them are often inconsistent. Choose 5 basic rules that are absolutely critical to follow in your home and discuss them frequently with your child. When the rules are broken, make sure that discipline is consistent. For example, you would not want to take away television one day and make the child sit in time out the next. The more consistent you follow rules, the better your child will remember them and try to follow them.

2. Be Positive: It can be very difficult to be positive as a parent all of the time, especially when a child can wear you down to your last grain of sanity. However, learning how to spin negatives into positives will not only help you feel better, but it will also help your child also, who is often constantly told “no” or given negative attention. For example, instead of saying “No Running!” you would say “We need to walk when we are inside the house.”

3. Create a Structured Environment: Children with ADHD thrive on routine and structure since when they are left without it they can often get lost in distraction or hyperactivity. As parents, you will need to carefully examine you and your child’s schedule and rework it as much as possible so it is predictable and gives your child the structured environment he or she needs.

4. Positive Reinforcement: Positive reinforcement typically works better than negative enforcement, however it requires quite a bit of attention and practice for parents to start incorporating regularly. With positive reinforcement, it is critical to try and ignore bad behavior when it is not an issue of safety and to repeatedly reward and praise good behavior. Anytime your child does something good – even if it is as simple as getting a fork out of a drawer after you asked them to deserves a lot of praise, such as “Thanks for listening to me, you are great at helping me out!”

5. Education About ADHD: Many parents do not understand the whole scope of ADHD or what it means. Education can be done through reading many books about ADHD, attending seminars for parents of children with behavioral problems, or speaking to your child’s pediatrician or therapist for other resources where you can learn more.

6. Individual Counseling: While children diagnosed with ADHD are a definite candidate for counseling or therapy sessions, many parents neglect to take care of their own mental health needs as well. It can be exhaustive and overwhelming caring for the ADHD child, which is why it is so critical for parents to get the support they need. In addition to being able to get your feelings off your chest and be assured that what you are going through is normal, you can also learn some very valuable coping techniques for parents to help you be the best parent you can be for the ADHD child.

To learn more about ADHD parent training, ask your child’s pediatrician or therapist for different resources available in your area or what activities and things they suggest you can do to help benefit your child for living with ADHD.