After all, only terrible parents would out of desperation and exhaustion let their kid watch TV to fall asleep. Only a terrible parent would leave a shopping cart full of things in the store to carry out a screaming and flailing kid. Certainly good parents wouldn’t be lying awake at night wondering why their child was such a monster. Good parents don’t feel resentment towards their child, do they?

I started to really get caught up in what a bad parent I was. I was starting to feel pretty frustrated and kind of hopeless at the same time. Other parents and kids I knew didn’t seem to have half the problems me and my son did. I was convinced that my child’s ridiculously bad behavior was karmic justice for all of the bad parenting I was doing.

But, as it turns out, I’m not a bad parent – and I never actually was. I’ve actually been told quite a few times by several therapists that I really am a good parent. (They swear they weren’t just saying that to boost my self esteem!) I was following the right discipline ideas, I was doing all that I could. My kid just has a mental health disorder, that’s all.

With so many people assuming that ADHD is just a diagnosis that means “Bad Parenting” it can be really frustrating. For one, it causes hundreds, if not thousands of parents to deny their kids have problems. It makes parents feel like they are the ones to blame – as if their actions are in direct correlation to why their child misbehaves, can’t sit still, and is jumping from one thing to the next. Instead, many kids go undiagnosed. Nobody wants to accept that they have a problem or that their kid has a problem either. In fact, we might even tiptoe around the issue with parents – by either not talking about it or trying to find some kind of ridiculous miracle cure rather than accepting it as an illness.

If you feel like a terrible parent, you’re not alone. Every parent, even parents of completely mentally healthy children, feel these kinds of feelings from time to time. But if you’re constantly beating yourself up about it, it’s time to stop.

It’s not easy to go from feeling like horrible parent to good parent. So to help you dismiss those horrible parent feelings, here’s some help:

1. Embrace The Diagnosis: Breathe that diagnosis with a sigh of relief! There is nothing “wrong” with you – or even your child necessarily. Your child has a medical condition. And while a medical condition requires treatment and attention and research and understanding – it is not the end of the world. Millions of people with medical conditions can continue on with happy and successful lives. When you start realizing there is a medical condition, and not “something wrong” it really helps put things into perspective.

2. Do Good Parent Things: Good parents make sure their kid has the basic necessities and is in a safe environment. (Y’know – fed, clothed, bathed, not playing in the street, child proofing the house, etc.) Good parents take their child to a doctor when the child is sick – and good parents will make sure that they research and follow through with a treatment plan for their child’s ADHD. Don’t brush it off as something unimportant or will go away on its own. Instead, talk with the doctors, the therapists, the teachers, the professionals. It’s the best thing you can do when you are in doubt.

3. Realize You’re Not Alone: There are thousands of parents right now feeling just like you are. The good news is you can find others to help you and relate to. Join a forum or message board. Check with CHADD.org and find a local chapter near you. Call a neighbor, call a long lost friend, open the phone book and call one of the help line’s in the front. We always feel like we are alone and have no one to turn to or talk to about something – but that’s not the case.

4. Take Time-Outs: If you’re getting overwhelmed or frustrated – take a break. Let someone else watch your child(ren) for a few hours. Go for walks. Take a relaxing bubble bath. Do something FUN and do it for YOU.

It’s time to forget about what means “normal” and what means “terrible parenting”. Instead, focus on getting you and your child the treatment you need to get through it – and it will get better eventually. You CAN be happy. It’s not hopeless. And you’re not a terrible parent if you’re still reading this site. Pat yourself on the back for being a good parent. Because good parents recognize there is a problem and seek help not only for their children, but themselves too.

Fortunately, our therapist has shared some excellent travel and vacation tips with us that we found extremely helpful:

Have Games for the Car: Being stuck in the car for hours is no fun for a child who can’t control his or her energy. Having a long list of games to turn to can help make it easier. I Spy, The Alphabet Game, and other car games the whole family can play while driving helps quite a bit. Playing I Spy is as simple as someone giving a clue as to what they see and then everyone else guessing what it is. The Alphabet Game is where you look for the letters A to Z on road signs, license plates, and more.

Have a Few Special Surprises: Vacation is a great time to surprise your child with a new treat. Some kids will be elated with a pack of brand new markers or crayons. Others may be happy with a puzzle. You’ll know your child best and be able to choose something small that will be great to pull out if they start feeling overwhelmed.

Don’t Plan Too Much: If your vacation itinerary starts at 8 am with you finally collapsing at midnight, you’ll likely have a lot of frustration throughout the day. Make sure you allot enough time to really enjoy an activity and also plan for relaxation breaks throughout the day.

Maintain as Much Routine as Possible: When you are on vacation, having a routine can be tricky. Make sure you follow the usual morning/bedtime routines as close as possible. You may also want to consider using a checklist that you make in the morning or the night before of things you will be doing during the day to help your child adjust to the change in routine.

Get Them Involved: Having children involved in the travel plans can help them feel important and special. You will have to think about what your child likes to do the most. For example, if your child loves photography, he or she might have fun being in charge of taking all the pictures for the trip. If your kid is a “where are we, what time is it” type, then they might like a map to help them keep track. Think where your child’s strengths are and how you can use those strengths to be part of the planning and organizing process.

Keep a Vacation Journal: A blank notebook can be a great canvas for older kids to keep a vacation journal. Have them draw a picture of what you did that day or write about what they like so far or something funny that has happened if they are older. This helps them stay on task with school related work, but in a fun way. This is a great activity for when you as parents need some much needed down time.

Travel When it Isn’t Busy: Going somewhere in the peak of the tourist season can be a recipe for disaster if there are large crowds, lots of waiting in line, or being stuck in traffic. Try to go in the off season or times when it isn’t that busy.

Prepare Your Child: If you have a travel brochure or find some pictures online of where you are going and what you will be doing, it can greatly help kids build excitement for the trip without worrying about exactly what will happen. Knowing what they will see ahead of time can help with the over stimulation they might feel at first.

Travel and vacation can be a lot of fun with the whole family when you follow these tips. While there are bound to be a few disruptions and even possibly a few behavioral issues while you are away, you’ll find that planning in advance can greatly help in making summer vacation travel a better experience for you all.

Parent training is slightly different than behavioral therapy for the child, though the two go very closely hand in hand, since the parent’s behavior will make a big difference on the success of the behavioral therapy.

Many parents don’t believe that they are the ones who need to change – it’s easy for them to think it is the child who needs to make the adjustments. Unfortunately, since the child is likely unable to change on his or her own, parents are the ones who must make adjustments in order to create the best enviroment and atmosphere for the child to be the most successful.

Here are some new skills that parents will need to learn as a part of ADHD parent training:

Make Rules and Enforce Them Consistently: It is often surprising how many few rules parents have or how clear they actually are to the child. Other parents may have plenty of rules, but the consequences for not listening to them are often inconsistent. Choose 5 basic rules that are absolutely critical to follow in your home and discuss them frequently with your child. When the rules are broken, make sure that discipline is consistent. For example, you would not want to take away television one day and make the child sit in time out the next. The more consistent you follow rules, the better your child will remember them and try to follow them.

2. Be Positive: It can be very difficult to be positive as a parent all of the time, especially when a child can wear you down to your last grain of sanity. However, learning how to spin negatives into positives will not only help you feel better, but it will also help your child also, who is often constantly told “no” or given negative attention. For example, instead of saying “No Running!” you would say “We need to walk when we are inside the house.”

3. Create a Structured Environment: Children with ADHD thrive on routine and structure since when they are left without it they can often get lost in distraction or hyperactivity. As parents, you will need to carefully examine you and your child’s schedule and rework it as much as possible so it is predictable and gives your child the structured environment he or she needs.

4. Positive Reinforcement: Positive reinforcement typically works better than negative enforcement, however it requires quite a bit of attention and practice for parents to start incorporating regularly. With positive reinforcement, it is critical to try and ignore bad behavior when it is not an issue of safety and to repeatedly reward and praise good behavior. Anytime your child does something good – even if it is as simple as getting a fork out of a drawer after you asked them to deserves a lot of praise, such as “Thanks for listening to me, you are great at helping me out!”

5. Education About ADHD: Many parents do not understand the whole scope of ADHD or what it means. Education can be done through reading many books about ADHD, attending seminars for parents of children with behavioral problems, or speaking to your child’s pediatrician or therapist for other resources where you can learn more.

6. Individual Counseling: While children diagnosed with ADHD are a definite candidate for counseling or therapy sessions, many parents neglect to take care of their own mental health needs as well. It can be exhaustive and overwhelming caring for the ADHD child, which is why it is so critical for parents to get the support they need. In addition to being able to get your feelings off your chest and be assured that what you are going through is normal, you can also learn some very valuable coping techniques for parents to help you be the best parent you can be for the ADHD child.

To learn more about ADHD parent training, ask your child’s pediatrician or therapist for different resources available in your area or what activities and things they suggest you can do to help benefit your child for living with ADHD.

Most toddlers will love doing things such as jumping on furniture or have trouble sitting still in one spot for very long. This does not usually mean that they have ADHD, and most health professionals will not give an ADHD diagnosis until the child is at least three years old, many waiting even longer. However, it is important to learn how to help a hyperactive toddler, especially because their behavior could potentially lead to injury. Early hyperactivity may also be a signal that your child could possibly show other symptoms of ADHD as they grow older that you would want to be on the look out for.

There are two key factors to remember about toddlers: they like attention, and they like to test their boundaries. Keeping those two things in mind, there are some powerful discipline techniques that may work in helping them become calmer.

Here are some things parents can do for a hyperactive toddler:

1. Avoid Negative Attention: This is the hardest thing to do, but it is also the most important. Many kids do not distinguish between positive and negative attention. You screaming “No! Stop Right this instant!” is effectively the same to them as “Great Job Kiddo!” It sounds strange, but to a young child, any attention from their parents is what they are looking for. With the exception of behaviors that are dangerous (IE: Jumping on the bed), it is best to ignore the behavior or it will become a game to them.

2. Praise Good Behavior: Anytime your child is being calm, non-aggressive, or waiting patiently be sure to praise them. Actions often speak louder than words, so a hug, kiss, or clapping hands may be more effective than telling a kid who may not have fully developed speaking skills “Good girl!”

3. Turn Off the TV: It’s best to keep television watching to a minimum, since children are often over stimulated by it or will grow restless after watching too much. While a 30 minute TV show once a day is a nice way to keep kids occupied while you rest or do another activity, you do not want to let them watch it more than that or have it on in the background while they are playing.

4. Exercise Your Kids: Many young children do not have enough outlets for burning off their energy which can cause them to be a little more hyperactive than you’d like! Make sure that everyday they have at least 30 minutes of time to burn that energy off. You can do exercises, race them in a big field, take them to the playground, or go swimming. Not only will this help them start early for having good physical fitness habits, but it will also help them productively use their energy.

5. Watch What They Eat: A balanced diet is important to kids growing up healthy. Often times, in both toddlers and adults, we do not eat healthy foods and will often get stuck in a cycle of sugar and carbs that causes spikes in our blood sugar. This can cause extreme hyperactivity or it can cause your kids to pass out, sometimes a cycle of both. Limit sugar intake, serve your children whole grains, and make sure their diet includes plenty of protein and vegetables as well. You can learn more about the daily food recommendation guidelines for toddlers, as well as yourself, by visiting mypyramid.gov.

6. Set Up a Routine: Setting up a routine is a lifesaver for many parents, as it helps their kids get on a set schedule. The typical toddler day doesn’t need to be planned from one minute to the next, but it will help immensely if you have clear routines in waking up and getting breakfast, when you play, when you have nap time, and other activities.

7. Keep Them Occupied: Boredom for many children often means they will get into trouble. Have activities planned that are suitable for their age level that gives them your positive attention, such as reading stories or playing imaginatively. When you will be doing things such as housework or other things where you can’t give them the one on one attention, have other things they can safely do. For example, if you are cooking dinner, you could give them some pots and pans and ask them to make up a song for you. You should also encourage your toddler to play on his or her own, doing things such as puzzles or building with blocks which may help give you some extra breathing time.

8. Be Consistent With Discipline: Discipline is very difficult for many parents, because it often needs to be consistent in order for it to work. It is best to do the ignoring of negative behavior and praise of good behavior, but there will be times when discipline is necessary, for example if the child hits or bites someone else. In those instances, time out is the best discipline. It should be done without fanfare or making a lot of commotion or even explaining to the child why they did was bad. Just pick them up and say for example “You hit your sister, time out” and then place them in a designated chair. Always use the same chair each and every time, which should ideally be a hard chair such as a kitchen seat and in a boring place. One minute per age of child is typically deemed appropriate. You may need to continuously place your child back in time out if he or she is resistant until the minutes are up.

Fortunately for most parents, a hyperactive toddler is not always something to be concerned about. If you are willing and able to do the above things for several weeks it is likely you will see a positive improvement in your child’s behavior gradually. If you are doing all of the above things and not seeing any improvement, or are concerned about your child’s hyperactivity, speaking to his or her pediatrician is a great place to start to find out what is considered normal child behavior for his or her age level, as well as what resources are available to parents for discipline support.

Have any thoughts on what parents should do if they need hyperactive toddler help? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

The first thing all concerned parents should do if they haven’t done so already is speak to the child’s doctor, who can be a tremendous resource in providing information for the resources and support parents and kids need concerning health and behavioral issues. An evaluation by a qualified professional will likely be done to assess the child’s level of hyperactivity and inattentiveness, the length of the behavior, as well as what impact it has on school, family, and social life. After an evaluation has diagnosed the child with ADHD, different treatment plans will be discussed.

Below is a list of some of the different interventions commonly associated with treating ADHD:

School Interventions
Not all ADHD children have problems with school, though many often do because it requires a lot of sitting still and paying attention. Schools will vary from district to district on what programs and support training they have available. Some schools have excellent learning support and special needs programs, while others do not, depending on the needs of the district and what funding has been made available to them. While more and more teachers are being taught the necessary classroom skills to help students with ADHD, there unfortunately are just as many who do not understand the condition or what they can do to help.

An IEP, or Individualized Education Program, is a plan written after teachers, parents, and others meet to discuss the child’s needs and goals for succeeding in the school year. Any child who receives special education classes or adaptations generally should have one. Understanding an IEP can be confusing at first, but the US Department of Education breaks it down well here as well as explains your rights as a parent or your child’s rights as a student. If your school refuses to give you an evaluation or provide services, you may be able to find assistance through county or state programs or caseworkers in your area. If your child is not eligible for an IEP, you can still possibly qualify for adaptations to be made at school through a Section 504 plan.

Our list of school accommodations for ADHD students has many examples of things that can be done by schools to help provide the best learning environment as possible.

ADHD Interventions at Home
Many parents, even if the child is doing well at school with or without support or additional services, often still struggle at home. At home the key is to work on behavioral activities. Even children who are taking medications still need work on behavioral aspects at home, especially if medication is only being administered during school hours. A therapist can give suggestions for activities to be done at home that can help improve the quality of family time and home life. Many techniques will involve relaxing activities, making the environment as calming as possible, setting up ways to be more organized, learning how to deal with problems, coping with emotions, and discipline issues. Our list of 25 Activities for Children will help give you some ideas of the different therapeutic things you can do at home.

It is important to remember that all children are different and that some treatments or activities may work well for some children but not others. In general though, when parents, teachers, doctors, and therapists come together it is the most likely that the child will find the support and resources you need. When everyone comes together and discusses what works and what doesn’t work, you’ll all be able to come up with solutions that make dealing with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder much less stressful on both the child and family relationships.